Peas or Peace?

Well, for starters, I’m single and always have been. I never believed in dating in high school because it’s unnecessary and unrealistic. I mean what percentage of high school sweethearts actually end up married in the end? The fact is that college changes relationships and people because of the distance it creates and people you meet and the experiences you have. So, in high school, being in a relationship was strictly off-limits, but now that I’m in college, I guess it’s a different story. Still, several people have told me to hold off for at least freshmen year if not sophomore year as well. Personally, I didn’t really want to restrict myself with that commitment, but I finding myself to be totally unfit for a relationship right now. My priorities aren’t where they should be, and I’m very emotionally unstable at times. I can’t say that I’m running after God with 100% of my being nor can I say that I am finding my happiness or satisfaction in the right things. I’m easily hurt and insecure about letting people know my faults, my mistakes, and weird quirks. Plus, I have my parents’ opinions to take into account. Haha. Yeah, for now, I think it’s better to be single.

I already mentioned this in the 15 interesting facts about myself, but Meet the Robinsons is my favorite movie because it was the one movie that I had pretty high expectations for and was still not disappointed. When the movie ended, I literally sat on my couch thinking about how the movie came together so beautifully. I guess I also really liked it because it had depth to it even though it is a children’s movie made by Disney. I’ve only watched it once actually, but it made that amazing of an impression on me for me to decide that it was my favorite movie. 

1. Weddings, especially being able to see how happy the bride and groom are.

2. People’s reactions when they get a gift from me that they really wanted.

3. Chocolate. Just ask my sister or any of my girlfriends. hehe.

4. Being woken up by my brother on a weekend. Initially I’m not too happy, but sometimes we’ll make brunch and watch tv together.

5. Seeing or hearing about people’s first real experience with God.

6. Singing Disney songs with my best friend. :D

7. Sleepovers. Some of the best conversations or memories are made late at night. :)

8. When I give people rides, and we end up having a really good conversations in the car.

9. Restaurant hopping or food in general. haha.

10. Making bucket lists or future plans that aren’t necessarily realistic, but what’s really important are the people who are a part of them.

I have always believed that the words “I love you” shouldn’t be taken lightly or used casually. I must admit that at times I’ve said “I love you too” to some people out of obligation because I didn’t want to make the other person feel unloved. I’ve always hesitated at those moments and felt guilty after I said that I love so-and-so back because I knew that I wasn’t being honest. I don’t know, but personally I believe that love means being willing to die for another person. Well, at least that is what love is in its purest and truest form. I suppose that love can also simply mean putting another person’s needs and wants before your own. Love is giving up your chance for happiness for another’s happiness. Love is giving up your time to make another’s count. Love is putting your success on the line to pick someone else back up. Love is sacrifice.

I don’t remember my first impression of Manni, but now that I’ve heard some of her stories, served alongside of her, and seen some first fruits of her hard labor, I’ve come to respect her as a wise woman who is truly after God’s heart. She has an authority that never requires her to raise her voice, and she always has the right words to say. I also really admire how she has no problem confronting a person or giving an honest opinion. Some people might she’s too blunt, but sometimes it’s necessary in order for people to wake up from their own fantasy worlds or narrow-minded views.

I’ve seen her deal with the most obnoxious and frustrating kids, and she’s never lost her temper with them. Yet, in spite of how serious Manni can be, she knows how to have a good laugh. She’s made up really ridiculous situations during training and knows how to make us counselors embarrass ourselves. But even more than just being fun, she’s real and she takes the time to love on the counselors even when we’re not serving at camp. I remember when she was leading counselor devotions one time, and she wanted us to pray aloud about personal issues. She actually prayed herself first about her own struggles, and it really left a mark on me because not many adults share. They seem to encourage the youth to share, but they won’t really share where they are now. Also, all the times Manni’s prayed for me, I’ve been so blessed. It’s just like an outpouring of God’s love, and her prayers have help guided me to JWU where God is slowly unfolding the big picture. :)

I’m instantly brought back to Brooklyn Missions Summer 2007—to screaming my testimony on a moving subway to a bunch of strangers, to warm summer nights where we approached people in Union Square to share our stories of hope, life, and love, and to moments we cried out of desperation for the lost and the broken. Never again have I shown such intense emotion in public. Never have I again made such a statement of faith and confidence in God. I might have made a fool of myself, but nothing since then can compare with the unexpected awesomeness that happened. I have yet to experience the same degree of craziness firsthand. Yeah, not much can compare with those crazy days I spent alongside daring brothers and sisters in a dirty yet intriguing city filled with unpredictable yet dear people.

Gahhhh. I’ve been so busy because the past few days were my last days at home. I’m back at school now, but I’m trying to stay positive. So I have to do three of these today, but I figured I’ll try to spread them out. 

1. Hugs are my favorite expression of affection.

2. I love receiving snail mail and handmade cards. 

3. When I sleep I like to hug a stuff animal, pillow, or blanket. It helps me fall asleep.

4. I have a thing for pancakes, waffles, and cereal. I can eat them any time of day.

5. One of the reasons I really like food is because it has the ability to bring people together and create happiness.

6. Meet the Robinsons is my favorite movie.

7. I struggle with moderation. I tend to have a “all or nothing” attitude.

8. I believe in saying “sorry” after an argument even if you believe you’re right. More likely than not you’ve hurt the other person in some way.

9. I rarely drink soda. Even if it’s free, I still choose water.

10. My parents say I was born smiling. :D

11. I don’t give my approval on relationships very easily.

12. I’m probably one of the clumsiest people you’ll ever meet. 

13. I love animals, but I’m allergic to all the furry ones. :(

14. There’s something about the city that always gets me. I would definitely like to live in the city some day.

15. When I make a commitment or promise, I’m serious about it. I’ll beat myself up if I break them.

My older brother. Even though he’s 7 years older than me, we’re actually pretty close. We’ve always had a good relationship. We never fight, and he actually plays with me. :) I do remember the one incidence that broke down the “walls” and brought us to a deeper level of closeness. It was after Joywok one night when I was in 7th grade. I think it was a family night, and Pastor Rudy wanted the families to pray together. I got really emotional…I don’t remember why. I just remember saying that “My emotions are crazy.” Haha. But anyways, after we finished praying, I was walking towards the kitchen, and suddenly my brother hugged me from behind. He asked me who I liked, and I obviously didn’t answer him then because we were in public. The significance remains in that that was the first time he ever hugged me and asked me that type of question. I did tell him eventually, and from that point I opened up to him about more personal things and started asking him for advice. 

I owe my brother so much. I probably wouldn’t have passed physics without him, and even when he was in college, I used to call him for help on my chem lab write-ups. He also helped me learn the importance of understanding and not just memorizing. Yet, beyond academics, he taught me to be strong and to strive for the best that I can be. We have random boxing or self-defense lessons, and the day before my cake decorating competition last year, he stayed up till 1:30am helping me carve the top of my cake even though he had work the next day. 

I also look up to my brother a lot. He’s one of those people who’s naturally smart, and he always finds a way to fix things. He’s way too well-wounded. He can play three instruments. He makes pretty good food. He’s artistic. He has a nice voice and good physique. Seriously, I look so bad compared to him. :P

However, I admit sometimes my brother has very little patience and can be harsh. But I know he loves me. Even though it’s through little things like him asking me to come play video games with him or asking me what phone he should get or just bothering me when I’m on the computer, I know he cares about my opinions and wants to spend time with me. And that makes me super happy. :)

I regret not being more patient with my cousin for the 9 months that he lived with us. I wish that I saw beyond my own feelings and needs. It was hard for me because I was so used to be the youngest, and I had my own standards of how children should behave. I admit I was jealous of the attention he got even if it was positive attention. I expected him to respect my parents, my house, and other people. I didn’t understand that he needed to learn these things.

I wish I treated my cousin better and didn’t yell at him as much. We still had a lot of fun times together, and I think he’s forgiven me for all the times that I yelled at him. But if I could go back, I would treat him differently and love him more, understanding and seeing the places where he’s been hurt and how he wasn’t as fortunate as me. 

That’s the past though. So, who knows? Maybe God will give me another opportunity to take care of and love my cousin the way He loves. :)